Blowjob etiquette - Canadian Freebie Forum ~Canada's top free sample, coupons, & contests forum

09-09-2007, 12:14 PM

Blowjob Etiquette (by a female)

1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.

2. Extension to rule #1 - So if you get one, be grateful.

3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw, it is not standard practice to cum on someone's face.

4. Extension to rule #3 - No, I DON'T have to swallow.

5. My ears are NOT handles.

6. Extension to rule #5 - do not push on the top of my head. Last I heard, deep throat had been done. And additionally, do you really WANT puke on your dick?

7. I don't care HOW relaxed you get, it is NEVER OK to fart.

8. Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer week" - get it through your head - I'm bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don't feel particularly obligated to blow you just because YOU can't have sex right now.

9. Extension to #8 - "Blue Balls" might have worked on high school girls - if you're that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my Midol.

10. If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't tell me I've just "wrecked it" for you.

11. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately afterwards is highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior to be repeated in the future.

12. If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that we're good at it. See also rule #2 about gratitude.

13. No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't care about the protein content.

14. No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV.

15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blow jobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either sympathize or brag.

16. Just because "it's awake" when you get up does not mean I have to "kiss it good morning".

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A Man's thoughts on Fellatio aka Rebuttal Etiquette (by a male)

1. First of all, yes you're obligated to do it. If you don't, we will find someone (younger, prettier and dirtier) who will.

2. Second, swallowing a teaspoon full of cream is a hell of a lot easier than licking a dead fish.

3. You want to talk about farting? Does the word "queef" mean anything to you?

4. I will use your ears as I see fit. don't worry about it and be thankful I'm not pulling your hair.

5. When you're on your period, stuffing something in your mouth is the only way to stop you from bitching and moaning. Suck it up!

6. Speaking of which, if you are bleeding for five straight days, you need all the fluids you can get. trust me.

7. You bitch about the taste, but trust me when I tell you that we get the short end of the stick in flavor country.

8. At least there is no danger of a dick bleeding in your mouth.

9. Play with the balls.

10. No matter how good you think you are at it, we've had better.

11. Caress the ass, too. We like that!

12. Make hay when the sun shines. it's "wide awake" in the morning now, but when you get old & fat and looking for some action, I gah-ron-tee it'll be "sound asleep".

13. If you swallow, then you don't have to worry about getting any on your face, now will you?

awaite · 09-10-2007, 04:40 AM

omg!!!!!!!

Guardian · 09-10-2007, 07:22 PM

Wow, just wow. Didn't realize there were so many complications.

And yet, its quite humorous!

Naomi · 09-10-2007, 09:15 PM

ooooooooook

09-13-2007, 02:09 PM

Not too sure what to make of it.

10-07-2007, 01:11 AM

Ahaahahaha. I'm sending this around.

sandib · 10-07-2007, 02:04 PM

lmao omg....:eek:

07-28-2008, 03:20 PM

hehehehe

Bellissima · 10-16-2008, 11:10 AM

That is fantastic, I love it!It makes me sorry that I'll never remember it (the right way) to tell it to anyone (that would make any sense) and everyone I try to get a laugh out of will only end up looking at me like I'm a bug!Thanks so much for sharing it, you made my day!

lowrider_barbie · 10-16-2008, 12:11 PM

i needed a good laugh, thanks for a happy start to my day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL

10-17-2008, 12:13 PM

Too funny

cheers to you and thanx for the laugh

royalljade · 12-19-2008, 03:42 AM

HAHA...I got this email years ago but it never gets old! Its friggin hilarious!!!

cbabe · 12-19-2008, 08:10 PM

Ive read this before but love it .. .lol

IcyKiss · 12-22-2008, 08:50 PM

Haha...how sad.

jmr1gone · 12-23-2008, 07:05 PM

iwould like to send it too all my girlfrinds .... BUT .... DO not no how.

GottaLoveKris · 01-19-2009, 05:09 PM

lmfao!

10-07-2007, 02:04 PM	#7
sandib Bargain Diva Beaver Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: surrey bc Posts: 698 Threads: 24 Thanks: 14 Thanked 52 Times in 46 Posts SMARTIES: 0. Donate sandib's Inventory	lmao omg....:eek: __________________ http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=32703205382 Check out my cakes

12-19-2008, 08:10 PM	#13
cbabe Guru Beaver Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Fredericton, NB Posts: 800 Threads: 50 Thanks: 438 Thanked 143 Times in 72 Posts SMARTIES: 362. Donate cbabe's Inventory	Ive read this before but love it .. .lol __________________ http://www.helium.com/user/show/296138

01-19-2009, 05:09 PM	#16
GottaLoveKris Smart Beaver Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Canada Posts: 110 Threads: 6 Thanks: 27 Thanked 62 Times in 11 Posts SMARTIES: 70. Donate GottaLoveKris's Inventory	lmfao! __________________ - - Kristina

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
Free 2008 Salary Guide, A to Z Business Etiquette Guide and More	Naomi	Old Posts	1	01-22-2008 01:01 AM

09-09-2007, 12:14 PM	#1
scorpiofire Guest Posts: n/a SMARTIES: . Donate scorpiofire's Inventory	Blowjob etiquette Blowjob Etiquette (by a female) 1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it. 2. Extension to rule #1 - So if you get one, be grateful. 3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw, it is not standard practice to cum on someone's face. 4. Extension to rule #3 - No, I DON'T have to swallow. 5. My ears are NOT handles. 6. Extension to rule #5 - do not push on the top of my head. Last I heard, deep throat had been done. And additionally, do you really WANT puke on your dick? 7. I don't care HOW relaxed you get, it is NEVER OK to fart. 8. Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer week" - get it through your head - I'm bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don't feel particularly obligated to blow you just because YOU can't have sex right now. 9. Extension to #8 - "Blue Balls" might have worked on high school girls - if you're that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my Midol. 10. If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't tell me I've just "wrecked it" for you. 11. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately afterwards is highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior to be repeated in the future. 12. If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that we're good at it. See also rule #2 about gratitude. 13. No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't care about the protein content. 14. No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV. 15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blow jobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either sympathize or brag. 16. Just because "it's awake" when you get up does not mean I have to "kiss it good morning". -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A Man's thoughts on Fellatio aka Rebuttal Etiquette (by a male) 1. First of all, yes you're obligated to do it. If you don't, we will find someone (younger, prettier and dirtier) who will. 2. Second, swallowing a teaspoon full of cream is a hell of a lot easier than licking a dead fish. 3. You want to talk about farting? Does the word "queef" mean anything to you? 4. I will use your ears as I see fit. don't worry about it and be thankful I'm not pulling your hair. 5. When you're on your period, stuffing something in your mouth is the only way to stop you from bitching and moaning. Suck it up! 6. Speaking of which, if you are bleeding for five straight days, you need all the fluids you can get. trust me. 7. You bitch about the taste, but trust me when I tell you that we get the short end of the stick in flavor country. 8. At least there is no danger of a dick bleeding in your mouth. 9. Play with the balls. 10. No matter how good you think you are at it, we've had better. 11. Caress the ass, too. We like that! 12. Make hay when the sun shines. it's "wide awake" in the morning now, but when you get old & fat and looking for some action, I gah-ron-tee it'll be "sound asleep". 13. If you swallow, then you don't have to worry about getting any on your face, now will you?

09-10-2007, 04:40 AM	#2
awaite The Ultimate Beaver Join Date: May 2007 Location: vancouver b.c Posts: 3,720 Threads: 230 Thanks: 1,571 Thanked 706 Times in 562 Posts SMARTIES: 75. Donate awaite's Inventory	omg!!!!!!!

09-10-2007, 07:22 PM	#3
Guardian Wise Beaver Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Ontario, Canada Posts: 1,027 Threads: 48 Thanks: 122 Thanked 142 Times in 116 Posts SMARTIES: 0. Donate Guardian's Inventory	Wow, just wow. Didn't realize there were so many complications. And yet, its quite humorous!

09-10-2007, 09:15 PM	#4
Naomi Beaver Godess Join Date: Mar 2007 Color Jumper Champion! Bauble Buster Champion! Location: Miramichi, NB Posts: 2,871 Threads: 989 Thanks: 232 Thanked 1,385 Times in 727 Posts SMARTIES: 35. Donate Naomi's Inventory	ooooooooook

09-13-2007, 02:09 PM	#5
zoey101 Guest Posts: n/a SMARTIES: . Donate zoey101's Inventory	Not too sure what to make of it.

10-07-2007, 01:11 AM	#6
ignite Guest Posts: n/a SMARTIES: . Donate ignite's Inventory	Ahaahahaha. I'm sending this around.

07-28-2008, 03:20 PM	#8
daniellerae Guest Posts: n/a SMARTIES: . Donate daniellerae's Inventory	hehehehe

10-16-2008, 11:10 AM	#9
Bellissima Bella Join Date: Oct 2008 Posts: 6 Threads: 2 Thanks: 26 Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post SMARTIES: 5. Donate Bellissima's Inventory	That is fantastic, I love it!It makes me sorry that I'll never remember it (the right way) to tell it to anyone (that would make any sense) and everyone I try to get a laugh out of will only end up looking at me like I'm a bug!Thanks so much for sharing it, you made my day!

10-16-2008, 12:11 PM	#10
lowrider_barbie Little Beaver Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 23 Threads: 1 Thanks: 34 Thanked 10 Times in 1 Post SMARTIES: 0. Donate lowrider_barbie's Inventory	i needed a good laugh, thanks for a happy start to my day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL

10-17-2008, 12:13 PM	#11
kikikollects Guest Posts: n/a SMARTIES: . Donate kikikollects's Inventory	Too funny cheers to you and thanx for the laugh

12-19-2008, 03:42 AM	#12
royalljade Diva Beaver Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Nova Scotia Canada Posts: 286 Threads: 69 Thanks: 74 Thanked 429 Times in 71 Posts SMARTIES: 2012. Donate royalljade's Inventory	HAHA...I got this email years ago but it never gets old! Its friggin hilarious!!!

12-22-2008, 08:50 PM	#14
IcyKiss Queen of Lips Join Date: Oct 2008 Posts: 52 Threads: 2 Thanks: 46 Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post SMARTIES: 10. Donate IcyKiss's Inventory	Haha...how sad.

12-23-2008, 07:05 PM	#15
jmr1gone jmr1gone Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 80 Threads: 2 Thanks: 20 Thanked 13 Times in 9 Posts SMARTIES: 0. Donate jmr1gone's Inventory	iwould like to send it too all my girlfrinds .... BUT .... DO not no how.