Valentines day funnies!!

[Shandon00]

THESE ARE ENTRIES TO A WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION ASKING FOR A TWO-LINERHYME WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE, AND THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECONDLINE:

1. My darling, my lover, my beautiful Husband:
Marrying you has screwed up my life span.

2. My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?

3. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.

4. Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
But I only slept with you 'cause I was pissed.

5. I thought that I could love no other--
that is until I met your brother.

6. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's emptyand so is your head.

7. I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don't take that paper bag off your face.

8. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

9. I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.

10. My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe 'Go to hell..'

11. What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.