Should a birthday party really be about your home business?

[Zangel]

I've been invited by a friend to her birthday party in August. That's great but this isn't your average birthday party and it's left me feeling a bit uneasy.

You see, she says on her invitation that instead of it being a traditional birthday party with gifts and cake, she's hosting a kitchenware demonstration party (something she does for a living as her job, kind of like Avon but for kitchenware) in which people will come and buy her wares either as a gift for her or for themselves.

Either way, she gets commission for the items and paid for her time.

I'm wondering if I should go to this. She's the same age as I am (22) and most of the invitees are in their early 20's or younger. Most I doubt would need expensive kitchen appliances and knife sets, nor would they have the income to buy them. I know I don't.

I'm happy to support my friend in her business endeavors by coming to her shows so she can make some money (although I don't have the money or interest in the products, it's the least I could do). Combining her business with a birthday party, a personal celebration of someone's birth and life, seems to me like she's trying to profit off my friendship with her.

It's made me feel uneasy about going.

What do you guys think? Have you ever been in a situation like this?

[Keeper]

Hi Zangel,

That is a bit of a tricky situation if I am honest, however I have been in the exact same situation, well moreso my Mom has because it was her friend. My Mom's friend would host these sort of parties although she would be selling candles and then she switched to clothing. My Mom used to feel pressured into going because she felt obligated to 'support' her friend however didn't have the funds to financially support her the way her friend wanted to. You are absolutely correct and the products are definitely ridiculously overpriced and you start to feel pressured into having to purchase something.

If I were you Zangel and you do not feel comfortable attending, you should speak to your friend about it and just mention to her that you don't mind attending the party and supporting her, however you are not interested in the products she is selling and will not be making a purchase. If she is a true friend she will understand, if she doesn't then her motives will become crystal clear that she was only interested in having you as a friend who would financially support her and her business.

I can tell you from experience, once you go to these sort of parties you will become sucked into attending the next one and the next one and then you'll be asked to host a party yourself and it really does get out of hand.

Personally, if you don't feel like attending just kindly explain to her why or just tell her that you aren't able to make it as you have prior plans and that perhaps maybe you two could go out for coffee or maybe dinner or a movie and that can be a way that you two can celebrate her birthday together.

I hope that helps!

[cheetah]

Wow, that is a sticky situation for sure. I don't think this was very smart planning on her part. People like yourself feel uncomfortable. I would try not to hurt her feelings. Maybe pretend to be busy and make alternative arrangements with her to take her out to lunch or treat her to a pedicure. A nice personal day out for the two of you. Good Luck

[atsirk]

That does seem like a hard situation, perhaps if you feel you must go, think about getting an early start on Christmas shopping a birthday present for someone close to you who would use those types of things (mother, grandmother, aunt, etc). I agree with Cheetah, if I were in your situation and didn't want to go to the party, I would pretend I had other plans have schedule a more personal way to spend her birthday another day.

[aly3360]

I think you should go.

It's her birthday and I think she should be able to celebrate however she wants on her birthday, just don't feel obligated to buy anything from or for her just because it's her birthday. Who knows, maybe there WILL be something you want or maybe you'll be able to refer family or friends whom would be interested to her. You say you want to support her and her business and I think the best way you could do that is by showing up to her "party". If she really is your friend she'll understand that your not interested in the products and that your not in a position to be buying them right now.

I've never quite had a situation like this, but I was invited to a party once that I was a little uneasy about going to. In the end I went and I'm so glad I did because only one other person showed up.

[WorldBFree]

I try to do my best to stick with friends when they get involved in these kinds of things--home businesses, MLM, etc. I think it's bad form to hold a product party under the guise of it being a celebration of her birthday, but if she's a good friend, it's good to show up and support them.

But I'm particularly wary of friends who get involved in businesses that encourage you to turn your friends into customers. If you can also hang out with them outside of these events, that helps. But if they start to turn everything into a sales pitch, be ready for some distance.